Life is an accumulation of hindsight knowledge. When we are in the thick of things usually all we see is the thick, never what lies beyond. Perhaps that’s what being moulded is like, how being crafted, undone and recrafted is meant to be like. We cannot possibly see what lies ahead in case we miss the process. If we are to be honest it is the process that makes us.

Life, in large part is truly about who we become.

Careful who you become.

I think life is meant to be a careful balancing act between being selfish and selfless. Once we truly grasp that we essentially exist for ourselves then what we do and how we live our lives will determine how highly we regard our existence. It’s not a revelation I got over night. I had seasons upon seasons where I thought I existed for the pleasure of others, to make them happy in any possible way would’ve been a life’s accomplishment for me.

However as is the case with any relationships formed, family, romantic and friendship – there would be constant occurrences that would leave me shattered. Those lessons kept coming back two fold, three fold, tenfold and I never used to understand. Eventually I did. We are never truly living until our actions stem from a point of self-love first. If you love yourself there will be things that are below you, there will be boundaries and there will be standards. However back to who I was trying to be, when living first from a point of self-love there will be a purity, an honesty, and unapologetic expression of love for the next person that stems from a place of self-understanding and fulfilment. You cannot love the next person purely with the hope that they too will love you back. What if they don’t? Will you love them less?

This is a principle I began applying in most things about me, my career, my talents, my children, my aspirations and dreams. Who am I? What am I trying to communicate through my existence? Who am I doing it for? True and genuine living has to flow from an infinite well within. For that well to overflow we need to keep filling it with bucket loads of self-love, self-understanding, self-compassion, self-care, and self-actualisation. We need to be pedantic, specific, unrelenting with filling that well with a cocktail of exactly who we want to drizzle in our wake. The scent we want to leave behind when we are gone.

It’s never too late to learn this lesson. They do say the only constant in life is change. Shame on the people we surround ourselves with who will not give us room to redefine. Who keep us hostage to past decisions, past mistakes, past selves. Even more shame on you if you are held prisoner by people’s view of you, or by bad decisions you made when you didn’t know any better.

You know I thank the people who tried to kill me on my journey to becoming. That’s what life truly is, we will meet the furnace, especially when we are truly made of gold, we will be drenched in the fire if we are to become refined. Life is about becoming. Becoming is about enjoying the flames, enticing them, welcoming their lick because of the unseen revelation of the version of you that stands at the end of the fire. I pray for those people and I often find myself thinking, wow, who would I be if this or that person didn’t think so lowly of me? Didn’t hurt me? Didn’t need to validate themselves by putting me down? The fire is no playground, it hurts like hell, but nothing can be compared to the joy of standing at the finish line, looking back, seeing exactly who you have become.

The thing about these fires is that as soon as one dies, another starts up. Everyone goes through the fire, but not everyone chooses what and who they become as a result of the fire that has touched them. Today I implore you to choose. Live on purpose. Life is not just something that happens to you. It’s an accumulation of choices, good and bad decisions, mixed with some fire lessons. However, true living is who we choose to be after that. Be intentional.

I for one am still becoming. There are a number of fires burning at the same time, and somehow even though I am one person I’m going through them, engulfed by each furnace. This time though it’s not a feet dragging woe-is-me going through, I’m dancing through the flame, because listen ‘Oh what I am becoming’!

Be selfish. Be selfless. Be intentional.

This is what I know.


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